Jokes for Accountants

We put together the slide show with the jokes, because it’s more fun to read them that way, but you can also check them out below.

  • What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
  • Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.
  • There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]
  • Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
  • What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’.
  • What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
  • How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
  • Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
  • A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
    “Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
    “Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
    “Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
    “No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
  • Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined? For buttering up her clients.
  • Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
  • It’s accrual world.
  • What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
  • What music is played at a financial accountant’s funeral? The Last Post.
  • What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
  • What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
  • Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
  • Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
  • Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
  • Why don’t old accountants die? They just lose their balance!
  • Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.
  • What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book!
  • If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work.”
  • There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely.
  • Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
  • What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular
  • An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
  • Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road? Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
  • What does CPA stand for? Can’t Pass Again.
  • Accounting for Dummies. What’s the big deal? Cr. Cash Dr. Dummies. Simple.
  • Accountants don’t die, they get derecognized
  • Four Laws of Accounting:
    1. Trial balances don’t.
    2. Bank reconciliations never do.
    3. Working capital does not.
    4. Return on investments never will.